I have a dream

Two weeks ago I spoke to a friend. I said, “I want to know what God’s will is for me.” I have so many things I want to do. I feel the weight of my many gifts and talents. Where should my focus be?

My friend turned around and asked me, “What do YOU want to do?”

Oops. Now that’s a different story!

He said, “If God were to asked you, ‘Angel, what do you want me to do for you?’ what would you ask him?“

Hmmm. This might sound strange but I guess the truth is, I feel better NOT knowing his will for me because it keeps me from taking responsibility for my own life and decisions (mistakes and failures). As long as I don’t know, I can stay play it safe and stay put where I am.

“Angel, what do you want me to do for you?”

I’ve been making a list. Not a haphazard but a carefully thought through one. Here’s one that I added to my list two days ago…

I have a dream. I want to write a whole series of “_____’s story as told to Angeline Koh.”

It was so fulfilling writing, “How the Moken Sea Gypsies got their Book — Naw Say Bay’s story as told to Angeline Koh.” It will happen all in his time.

Twenty-four/seven VS one/seven

I didn’t realise it has been more than a month since I last blogged. I made a deliberate effort to start the year S-L-O-W-L-Y. Not putting pressure on myself to blog was one of the things that had to go off my do list for a while.

It has been exhilarating to ride the crest of the waves last year and accomplishing so many things. Some of those accomplishments happened by effort and some by accident, but ALL by the grace of God. I have so much to give thanks for.

I spent three days (8-10 Jan) at our staff prayer retreat and then as if it were not enough, God slipped it into my schedule to join my church for another two days with him (12-13 Jan). I said, “Lord, I just spent three whole days with you!” But he said, “But I haven’t had enough of you.”

It turned out to be SO good and now it makes me hunger to spend more of such times with him. I didn’t realise how tired and harrassed I have been over my deadlines and pressure I had on myself. For the past years I had often wished I had leisurely hours of just doing nothing. I did, but it just wasn’t enough. Like someone said, “we rest only so that we can recover enough to work all over again!”

In December, while having another of my rushed times with God, I came across an old stashed away Discipleship Journal article that I had not even read. The writer Ruth Haley Barton said to her, “Ruth, you are like a jar of river water all shaken up. What you need is stillness and silence so that the sediments can settle and the water can become clear.”

I thought, “That’s just like me!”

After God six days of doing his creative work, God set aside the seventh day as a day of rest. It was a day to appreciate and enjoy all that he had done. Years later, God declared to his people, the nation of Israel, that even the land that he had given them would rest for a whole year after six years of sowing and harvesting.

God also declared the year after seven Sabbaths (that is, after 49 years) the Year of Jubilee (Leviticus 25). All debts would be cancelled and everything would be returned to their original owners. (I don’t think land developers would like this policy very much!)

Interestingly, my home church (Bethesda Frankel Estate) will be celebrating our 5oth Anniversary in July this year. As such, all activities and programmes have been geared towards helping us keep REST in focus. No more harried frenzy, but time to just be with Jesus. It resonates with my tired body and spirit. God promised that he would send a good harvest to his people the years BEFORE and AFTER the Jubilee so that there will be more than enough for them.

Life has its rhythms and seasons. For a long time, I had learned the ways of the world, living the 24/7 rhythm instead of the enjoying the 1/7 life that God asked me to live.

I spent the last few days planning my schedule (can’t run away from that!). There’s still work to do, but in my heart, I’ve a private pact with God that it’s the Year of Jubilee for me. I will let him dictate to me what he wants for me to do each day, instead of letting my do list tell me what needs to be done.

I think I will enjoy 2008 very much! It’s already started out so well.